The Weight of Expectations: The Ones We Set and The Ones Placed on Us

Expectations. We all carry them—some we place on ourselves, others are placed on us by society, family, careers, and even social media. As a leader, I’ve spent years setting expectations for my team, outlining what success looks like, how we should show up, and the culture we should create together. But somewhere along the way, I had to stop and ask myself:

What expectations am I placing on myself? Are they serving me, or are they weighing me down?

Then came the even bigger question—what expectations do others have of me, and are they in alignment with who I truly am?

The Silent Pressure of Expectations

From a young age, we’re conditioned to meet certain expectations. Be kind, make good grades, work hard, achieve success, be a good parent, look a certain way, have it all together. The list is endless. Some of these expectations push us to grow, while others quietly suffocate us under the weight of perfectionism and people-pleasing.

I’ve felt it in my career, in my personal life, even in the way I show up for others. There was a time when I carried the expectation that I had to have all the answers, always be strong, and never let anyone see me struggle. I told myself that as a leader, I had to be the rock for my team and the people around me. But I never stopped to consider if those expectations were sustainable—or even fair.

What Happens When We Don’t Question Expectations?

We burn out. We lose sight of our true desires. We let external pressures define our worth.

But here’s the truth: not all expectations are meant to be met. Some need to be redefined. Others need to be released completely.

I had to ask myself:

• Am I setting expectations for my life based on my own values, or am I living for validation from others?
• Do I expect too much of myself without giving myself grace?
• Are the expectations society places on me aligned with the person I want to be?

When I started questioning those things, I realized how much of my stress came from trying to meet standards that weren’t even my own.

Giving Ourselves Permission to Redefine Expectations

Michael Jordan once said, “Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.”

What if we applied that same mindset to the way we set expectations for ourselves? Instead of just accepting what’s given to us, what if we took control and redefined what success, happiness, and leadership look like on our own terms?

For me, that meant:

• Letting go of the idea that I have to be everything for everyone.
• Redefining success as balance, not just achievement.
• Allowing myself to ask for help and admit when I don’t have all the answers.
• Learning to delegate and allowing people to do it their way not my way.
• Creating expectations that push me forward instead of holding me back.

The Leadership Shift: From Controlling to Listening

As a leader, I’ve also learned that expectations aren’t a one-way street. I’ve spent so much time setting expectations for my team, but I never truly asked: What do they expect from me?

Just like we deserve to question the expectations placed on us, our teams deserve the same. I’ve made it a priority to have open conversations, not just about performance, but about how I can show up better for them. I now ask team members monthly how can I serve them? How can I support them? What are their expectations of me? The response? A stronger culture, more trust, and a work environment where people feel seen and heard.

What Expectations Are You Holding Onto?

Take a moment and ask yourself:

• What expectations am I placing on myself that no longer serve me?
• Am I living by my own standards, or am I chasing what others think I should be?
• Where do I need to give myself permission to let go?
• Are the expectations I have moving me toward my higher self? Are they aligned with the person I want to be? The legacy I want to leave behind.

The expectations we set shape our lives. But the beautiful thing? We get to choose which ones to keep and which ones to release.

Today, I invite you to let go of what’s weighing you down and step into expectations that align with who you truly are. Because when we release the pressure of what we “should” be, we finally make space for what we’re meant to be.